Monthly Archives: March 2014

Sexual abuser’s

As far as these animals are concerned they need to know one thing about me

Yeah though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death cause I’m the meanest S.O.B. In that valley!

Come try me out!

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Soul mates

At one point Plato thought we had four arms, four legs and two faces.

Is this why so many of us struggle to feel settled in love?
Its our internal struggle to find our soul mate.
When evolution made us have two legs, two arms and one face. Perhaps we spend our entire life looking for the other half of ourselves. We’re looking for our soul mates. To make our life complete!

Fostering, adoption and social workers.

When I was a kid my mum died. I was nine year old and had three younger siblings, aged four and twins that where eleven months old.
Our dad had left three year prior to this and mums new boyfriend couldn’t cope and left shortly afterwards.
As you can read in my post ‘the weekend’ there was a lot of moving around that weekend. The twins were taken to St Andrews my younger brother and I were housed separately being moved to Weston Super Mare in England for two weeks then into a children’s home for two weeks. Prior to going to foster parents where we stayed till I left aged seventeen.
During that time we had no contact with the twins. At that age I asked social services for help to find out what happened to the twins. I was told I wasn’t a suitable person to be in their lives.
To cut a long story short it was fortythree years before we would have contact again.
This was due to social services lack of empathy, care and understanding about our pain.
That sorted out my family and I achieved it on my own with no help from anyone.
I was told by many that I should stop worrying about others sharing our grief. Then I saw a tv program showing kids for adoption. A family of three being adopted separately, well in two. Anyone adopting them had to ensure continued contact between the three. That contact to be at least ‘once a year’  can you believe that?  I thought that was wrong but better than things used to be.
Then I met a young lass, an inspirational young lass, who was eighteen earlier this year and her younger sister will be eighteen at the end of this year. Neither one knows where the other is!

This situation is disgusting and should not be allowed to continue!

Do you agree?

Freak or poison into medicine.

Freak is something I’ve been called often. As well as bastard, fat git etc etc.
For a very long time I believed them all. I believed that I was worthless and that no one would ever love the real me.
So I spent many years hiding the real me. Not letting anyone see because if they did, I believed they’d see that freak and leave.
I believed that was why my twin brother and sister had been taken elsewhere when my mum died back in the 60’s.
I even had a social worker, in the 70’s tell me I was not a suitable person to be in contact with them. Seemingly I was an undesirable one more person saying I was a bastard.
I am now in contact with both of them and not that I’m saying I’m a nice man but I’m not a freak or a bastard.
There days I try to turn all that poison, that was said and done to me, into medicine.
I use my past life horrors to help others. To try and stop them from going through anything like I did.

So please remember that if you had horrors in your past, you can use all that horror to help others and change poison into medicine.

Tonight

Some nights are good, Some nights are bad

But tonight is one

Where you want it all to end

Why should your past rule your mind like this

Your mind takes you to that room

And you know he is there

Waiting for you, so young and so frail

You hide under the bed

But he knows where you are

He shuffles along with those slipper he uses

To scold you before it all starts

 

You know its the past

But it feels so real and now

You’ll wake shaking and feared

You vision will go

Replacing the now you have

With the now of the past

 

Time to stop it once and for all

How can that be done

I DON’T KNOW

The one way I know to calm this auld man

Is to walk in the forestĀ In the dark

So peaceful and quite

With never a riot

The owls you hear and sometimes a bat

Foxes a plenty so strong and upright

The trees move in the wind

Rustling away, you smell pine in the air

Your heart stays there

With young katie dog and nothing else

It’s a way back to just being scared

Not terrified till dawn