Sweat soaked and terrified, unable to see through eyes blurred with sweat and tears you curl into a wee ball.
Unsure of where I was but my mind locked into a child’s fear, into a time when all I wanted was to feel safe. That had never happened though, I was permanently scared as a kid. Some nights got so bad I slept under the bed, curled into a ball. Tight in the corner, under the bed, as far from HIM as I could get.
The old metal rails and springs of the bed would dig into me and the wool from the blankets, hanging down the back of the bed, would make me itch so much. The floor boards would be so cold as the carpet didn’t reach under the bed it was a square in the centre of the room. There was no light shade and the Bakelite fittings hung from the twisted brown cord electric cable hanging in the black and white bedroom.
Wait a minute life isn’t black and white. It’s full of colour. Where am I?
I need to ground myself. Look with my eyes not my mind.
Time to find my grounding items. What were they?
Blinking to clear my vision I noticed the portriat of my nephew, the poor wee lamb had died before being born. More tears but no fear this time grief and sadness filled my heart.
This was the start of grounding myself. The terror started to lift.
Next was touch. There was no itchy wool here just soft Winceyette sheet and the spongy softness of my quilt. Then the red light of the alarm clock catches my eye. As a kid that was never there bringing me closer to my present.
The sweat had stopped making me shiver with cold rather than fear as the cold night air got to my bare drying skin. One hand had been hanging over the side of the bed and it felt the soft silky fur of my lovely Katie dog. I didn’t need my fifth item then I was back in the present grounded again.
Having once again escaped that part of the furniture of my mind that caused these night terrors.
Wide awake and knowing sleep would be hours away it was time to get up, make a hot chocolate and try to relax. Maybe even take Katie for a walk as a reward for helping me escape those terrors.
Now the furniture of my mind was back in storage, until next time. I could breathe again.