As someone who has suffered abuse both as a child and an adult. I’ve always found it difficult to accept the support I have always needed.
I saw it as other folk showing me sympathy and that I did not need ever. I had enough of other people controlling my life.
These day’s being a little older and a little calmer. I realise that if I had accepted that support earlier in life then perhaps my eldest daughter would not have seen some of what she did and should never have seen.
The way I had been offered support in the past had been rather twisted. Being told that no matter what they would be there for me and then backing it up by saying you can’t help the way you are. I mean seriously, we’ll help you and you can’t help being a b*****d. This is how I always saw myself but no more thanks to finding my best friend and soulmate. She not only listened but never ever judged my past. When an opinion was called for, I’d receive an empathetic response hearing the love and caring in her voice. Not being judged for the first time in my life was a strange experience to say the least.
I’d been used to being told it all happened because of the nasty person I was.
Now thanks to that very special lass I can now talk truthfully to my psychologist. In days past I told them what they wanted to hear, which did not help me or them. All it did was internalise the problem, making me feel worse about myself and show those in the mental health profession that I was worthless and not worth their effort. That was my fault no one else’s.
However during the time I refused support from all. What I did do was use the negative things being said to me by abusive adults to reaffirm my negative belief about myself. Not hearing anything positive or hearing it and telling myself they were only saying nice things because they were nice folk and nothing more.
So if you know anyone who has been abused in the past and you want to support them. The best thing you can do is not to give up. It is also so important not to judge them for what happened, so many folk do, just listen and give advice/input when it seems its being asked for.
In years to come they will thank you as I am doing to my best friend here.