Self Harm

Self Harm is a term that we all know. We think of teenagers alone in their bedroom cutting themselves or burning themselves or some other self harm that causes physical harm and is visible. There are other forms of self harm! Take what I do-

Oh yeah I should say I am in my fifties definitely not a teenager.

I am a man with health issues, Heart problems, C.O.P.D., weight issues and arthritis. Your asking why this is relevant well I’ll tell you. The way I harm myself is to stop taking my medication. This causes many problems and much pain.

In my head that pain is deserved. Its a way of me receiving the pain I’ve caused so many others to be put on myself. See I deserve to feel that pain. I need it as a way of paying for my past. Not that I’m using my past as an excuse never will. At the time I caused most of the pain I was an adult and made the decisions as an adult not a child.

I get angry these days when I hear horror stories about adoption and fostering. They should not still be happening. What happens then is I remember the pain I felt as a child then it reminds me as an adult I caused so much pain to so many folk. Mostly intentionally but never intentionally recently. The pain I cause anyone that comes in contact with me should be a criminal offence because for the safety of others I should be locked away. Its the only way to stop me hurting folk.

So to anyone I have hurt sorry but my self harming is in my own way to make retribution for the pain I caused. I hope that helps you all.

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