“In life, we should not be totally absorbed in immediate realities. We have ideals and strive to achieve them, transcending present realities. Yet we can change nothing unless our feet are planted firmly on the ground.” -Daisaku Ikeda.
When your abused as a child, I don’t think the type of abuse is relevant. You learn very early on that the secret must be kept. No one can know your dirty little secret and this continues into adulthood. What this learns you is how to lie. You have to keep that secret so no one see’s you in your real form. The you that is dirty and filthy that no one will believe or trust.
So when that abused child becomes an adult lying by that stage has such second nature that you continue to do it. Believing that if you don’t those who are blind enough to be your friend will see that real person you may have spent decades hiding. Then they’d run a mile. Why would they like someone who, like you, allowed those things to happen? They wouldn’t that is what your mind tells you and that is why you continue to lie. You continue to hide the real you.
What you fail to realise is- Those who do love you or care for you. WILL UNDERSTAND!
Your past won’t let you believe that. You’ve been well trained. You know, because your abuser told you enough times, if you tell them. You’ll be taken away. You’ll be put where all the bad boys go and no one will ever visit you there because your dirty and asked for it all to happen. You led your abuser on. If you’d been a good, clean wee boy then he would never have noticed you.
Then as an adult you hurt those who mean the most to you because you lie to them. You hide YOU. Then they find out what you’ve done, lied to them. They may understand what abuse you suffered and the effects that had on you. They will never understand why you lied, why you could never trust anyone.
So please if your reading this and have suffered abuse. Don’t do what I did and ruin a great relationship. The best I could ever have had with lies.
Trust those you can see love you and be truthful with them always!
Some people have problems sleeping at night and the very best friend I ever had is one of them. She loves sitting under the moon and stars relaxing. When I saw this it made me think of her so I thought I’d blog it so she could share.