Monthly Archives: June 2014


Your head starts getting there

Your brain won’t let that happen

Sleep it withholds for many hours

Your thoughts get sharpened

Your brain goes way to fast

You can’t switch it of

Those thoughts of your past

That bring terror so real

Never giving you a second

Just screaming YOUR WORTHLESS

Let it stop please I scream



Hurt I’ve caused

There has been plenty

Time to take responsibility

And stop hurting anyone

Especially those I love and care for

There have been those in my life

Who have made such a difference

Su being the best there is

All I’ve done is hurt them

Filled their lives with pain

Now I will be solitary 

So it will stop now

I don’t want to be

The cause of any more tears

Can’t be unless it’s pain to myself

As that is all I deserve

Hidden effects of child abuse

When your abused as a child, I don’t think the type of abuse is relevant. You learn very early on that the secret must be kept. No one can know your dirty little secret and this continues into adulthood. 
What this learns you is how to lie. You have to keep that secret so no one see’s you in your real form. The you that is dirty and filthy that no one will believe or trust.

So when that abused child becomes an adult lying by that stage has such second nature that you continue to do it. Believing that if you don’t those who are blind enough to be your friend will see that real person you may have spent decades hiding. Then they’d run a mile. Why would they like someone who, like you, allowed those things to happen? 
They wouldn’t that is what your mind tells you and that is why you continue to lie. You continue to hide the real you.

What you fail to realise is-
Those who do love you or care for you. WILL UNDERSTAND!

Your past won’t let you believe that. You’ve been well trained. You know, because your abuser told you enough times, if you tell them. You’ll be taken away. You’ll be put where all the bad boys go and no one will ever visit you there because your dirty and asked for it all to happen. You led your abuser on. If you’d been a good, clean wee boy then he would never have noticed you.

Then as an adult you hurt those who mean the most to you because you lie to them. You hide YOU. Then they find out what you’ve done, lied to them. They may understand what abuse you suffered and the effects that had on you. They will never understand why you lied, why you could never trust anyone. 

So please if your reading this and have suffered abuse. Don’t do what I did and ruin a great relationship. The best I could ever have had with lies.

Trust those you can see love you and be truthful with them always!