Monthly Archives: July 2014

Terrors of the night 2

What do you do when the terrors of the night start visiting during the day?

They were ok when they came during the night. I had the day to rest and have a mind clear for a few hours. Now they come into my head during the day. When I’m awake. Making it impossible to have a rest from them.

I’m not even getting dressed because if I do I can go out and then darkness will reign!

Terrors of the night

They jump into your mind

Making you tremble, shake n cry

Normal reason goes blind

Not due to tears

Due to your messed up Mind

Your inability to be normal

Thoughts of death, not normal

Thoughts of running, to the wilds

Not normal!!!!

I am never normal

Never going to be

Never good enough 

Never NEVER 


Recently I have been really down, depressed almost suicidal.
These pictures show some ways of thinking about that. Me I can’t understand it at all. Time after time I get over it but damn if it doesn’t come right back lower and stronger than ever.

Will it ever end?
Only if I make it and I don’t think I’m strong enough.  


5 15100_724182237593432_1622860598_n depression depression1 depression2


Scotland: for richer or poorer? BBC2 prog

I am sat watching this programme and I’m stunned! The BBC are supposed to be an independent entity that reports items with NO BIAS!
This programme is showing so much bias toward the better together campaign its disgusting!!!!

I will vote yes for independence! However I admit there are many risks, many unknowns and EVERYONE taking part in this debate guesstimation of what might happen. Scotland deserves to decide its own destiny. At the moment they don’t. Scottish destiny is decided by Westminster.
There’s also the fact that in my opinion Scotland is held back by links with the English. They are held back by a Westminster government who believe they are a world power. Such outdated believes that we can no longer afford!
Scotland wants to be a nuclear free zone. We don’t need or want a nuclear deterrent. We are not a world super power but a small vital nation that would prosper when we stopped funding wars that we don’t want to be part of! Can’t afford to be part of.

Scotland will not only prosper as an independent country but would thrive becoming financially more productive than we are in this outdated union!

The BBC showed little/no part of this side to the argument. They must be funded by the Con-Dem coalition.
Btw Con-Dem is an appropriate tittle for a government that is destroying what little good the UK had.

Rant over, good night all

Our self believe

At this point in my life I should be feeling good about myself and have at least some self believe.

I have lost over 3 stone (42lbs) and have cut down from smoking 30 ciggies a day to less than 20 a week, with the aid of a vapour ecig.

So why is it that I feel so worthless?

Sat here at 2 am in tears unable to sleep and feeling really down. Once I’ve finished this I’m going to take a lesson of my best friend and go look at the stars as I walk through the forest with my Katie dog and nothing else.

I don’t understand how the brain/mind works!
This cycle of depression and really nasty thoughts toward myself has been active for most of my 55 years. Seems no matter what I do I am destined to feel worthless and want to harm myself.


I know it sounds self pitying but I’m at my wits end. Sleeping less than 4 hours a night, no energy, no self believe, nothing to justify my existence. Will I ever be NORMAL?