The past us who we are
It should never
Stop us moving on
Stop up being happy
It should allow
Us to learn positive lessons
Us improve the people we are
Often with the help of friends
Learn the lessons
Grow for the better
And remember the good times
But never look back
With thoughts of anger
Be pleased you met
Those who taught
You the lessons
After a long drive back from London with lots of time to think.
I remembered something I decided last year.
I’ve spent a lot of time visiting mental health professional’s. During those visits I spent a lot of time looking at the negative things in life. After one long session when I was very low and almost suicidal. When I realised that all those negative thoughts and going over them helped no one. Definitely not me.
Our pasts always effect the way we react to the present. One of the things I do is run and hide when any death effects someone I care for happens.
Not that that excuses any negative thing I’ve done.
Anyway back to the point.
What I decided was to look at the positive folk I’ve had in my life. That brought back loads of positive feelings. Making me realise that even when we lose a friend no matter who’s fault it is once the tears are over. When you remember that friendship don’t focus on the end, on the negative issues. Try remembering the positives that happened.
For me I lost a truly special friend recently and that caused pain and tears. Then I realised that person had changed me so much for the positive. By showing me how my actions hurt others. I’m sad the friendship is over and will never be back. However thanks to that awesome person I will no longer hurt anyone in the same way.
So rather than focusing on those negative things. I want to say thank you for the life lessons. Thanks for a great friendship.
Perhaps if we all did the same we would have a happier world.
So next time you have issues with someone in your life don’t focus on those negatives for to long. Just try and remember the positive things that relationship gave you both.
Today I attended the funeral of a dear man. David Peter was a real gent. A man that always made me smile. I’ll miss seeing him so much.
Tomorrow its the turn of Georgina Madden a woman who did nothing but think of others. Even when she’d been diagnosed with terminal cancer she did nothing other than care for others.
Two brutal losses and a rough few days for those they both left behind.
Then on Monday I have the funeral of Gordon Wallace a lad I’ve known since school.
I’m not at all surprised folk don’t want to talk with me. It must feelvlike a death sentence.
Things keep getting worse. Now my lovely dog Katie is so unwell. She is being sick every where , she can hardly stand up , her back legs are barely holding her up.
I know she’s 15 year old and getting old but its breaking my heart seeing her like this. She can’t even take her medication.
Vets first thing and lots of chanting and prayers tonight.
In the last 2 months I’ve been to two funerals. Now a friend is in hospital with terminal cancer and has only days to live. After a long struggle she is losing that fight. Then today I got a phone call to tell me a dear family friend has passed away.
Is this what getting older means?
Once you’ve share your life with an abusive person. It sets your mind to keep folk at arms length.
The theory being if they don’t get close they can’t hurt you.
Then you realise that your missing out on so much. You don’t know the feeling of friendship or love from anyone. You always believe what that abusive person said, your worthless or why would anyone want to know you?
Then you retreat further into yourself.
Never realising that the person your hurting most is no one but yourself!
So if you find someone who genuinely cares for you. Those words showing they care never stay in your mind because you don’t believe them. Not that you think the other person is lying you just think they’re being nice or polite.
So please be careful folks and try keeping an open mind or you might lose someone really special.
I’ve been sat in this car park for the best part of three hrs. I came prepared mind brought my book, got my phone, plenty music and my sketch pad.
I can only sit here and think though. Of that friendship lost, what happened, how did it all get so messed up?
Most folk will be thinking well do something about it!
To stubborn, to old and to certain of the response is the problem.
The scary thing being I don’t know what happened. I doubt my friend does but neither of us are prepared to do something.
It breaks my heart! I spend most of every day trying to work out a way to fix this but I’m so certain she doesn’t want it to be fixed I give up before I start.
Shows how little self believe I have and how much more she is worth.
A while back my best friend told me ‘if people can’t see your not that person anymore then that’s their problem’
So its time to take that advice if they can’t see I’m not that person anymore then that’s their problem and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Well folks after eating at Morrison’s earlier the day was getting worse. I’d went for a stroll on the sand at Kirkcaldy while waiting on the time to pick up my car.
My back was getting so painful, with the arthritis in my spine.
Then my phone call got answered. The voice at the other end was liquid gold. Filling my heart with so much joy. My best friend and I spoke for a while. I didn’t get any pictures taken, I collected so few stones, the purpose for the stroll I was even late in picking up my car.
I didn’t care! Walking back away from the sand my back got worse I was in so much pain but I didn’t give a jot.
We had spoken and that was worth any amount of pain.
So now I’m a happy happy bloody sore auld man!
When emotions are involved our brains rarely get involved.
However we need to remember that we can’t change how we feel. If you love someone, you love them. They might decide they don’t care for you but you will still hold that person in your heart. Never apoligise for that. Accept thats how things are and try to live the best you can with the wonderful memories of the past you both shared.