The sixth of august is Horishimo day. That is the day the Americans dropped a nuclear bomb on Horishimo.
I hope that when folk remember this, especially on this the anniversary. Rather than being filled with negative emotion from the past. We should use the day to remind our politicians, we never want a repeat of that devastating day.
We want kids not bombs!
We want a world free from nuclear weapons.
We want a positive long future.
Where war is a thing of the past.
Terrors in night
Terrors during the day
Ruling my present
Life ain’t Worth this
Its not worth living
When my mind
Ain’t my own
What’s the point
That is my life
Its the worst feeling ever. Waking up terrified, shaking and not even knowing where you are. Shouting out a name that’s not been relevant in my life for almost 40years.
Why does that evil b*****d still have power over my thoughts and dreams?
I’ve mentioned before that these nights happened. Its ridiculous that memories so old cause so much fear in a mature man, taking me back to being a child so many tears.
Its so f*****g wrong!
Is a two way street.
Last night I blogged about the way I was feeling. Relating to folk in my life. Ninety percent or more of it was about family members who don’t trust me in any way.
One person saw the tiny part that was about them and said ‘if you don’t like it you know what you can do’
Well I do I can cut out so called family that continue to destroy me mentally. I can stop supporting folk that use me continually then turn their back on me. I can realise that those who try n keep me rooted in the past and not see the changes I’ve made are only making things worse.
When you hear or read something that might refer to you. Try reading all the other stuff that is there as well and take responsibility for you part in that. That part goes for me to. I need to take responsibility for my actions and recognize the changes I’ve made and make sure I stay changed and don’t let others drag me back to my part behaviour.
I won’t be around online for a while folks I need to work out why people treat me the way they do! MOSTLY FAMILY MEMBERS it has to be said.
In this life we all have problems and obstacles to overcome. What we need to remember is we have the strength to handle anything if WE CHOSE to.
When those obstacles involve others the best way to show your past the obstacle is to be happy. Show that your better than what ever the obstacle was.
So if your in that position right now be happy and enjoy your life and show the person that caused the obstacle your better of without them.
I’ve been in the position that I’ve caused problems for someone i loved so much and that was my fault and my problem no one else’s.
I hope the person I caused problems for goes on to have a happy full life and sticks their middle finger up at me for causing the problems to start with.
This is something we should always remember when someone hurts us or causes us problems. Karma is all knowing and will come back and bite us on the bum. So if you cause others problems then those problems will come back to you a thousand fold.
As we progress through life we meet people who change us for better or for the worse.
When we meet someone we think is the most special person ever. The love and friendship of that person is all that matters to us. Then time passes as it does, we start to take things for granted and we, don’t forget they’re that special, we just think they will always be there and that is great or we think it is.
We then say or do things that that change things. They put so much stress on that friendship we get a little scared but still we think they will be there. We worry but do nothing about any of it. Not realising the stupidity of those actions.
What we should always remember is no one will stay if they are hurt continually, no one will stay if they don’t know how we feel and what they mean to us.
Then it gets to the point when the memories sneak out of our eyes. They stay in our hearts and will always be there but all that will be there is those memories.
So please if that special person comes into your life. Grab on, hold tight, let them know how you feel and always respect them. When it gets to the point I’m at and all that is left is the memories sneaking out of my eyes. It’s to late!!
Nothing I do will change what I have done in the past and nothing will bring back that special person that soulmate that changed me for the better and improved my life massively. Now all I have are tears. DON’T LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU!!!!
When I was put in the mental health unit recently. I thought how dare they!!! Nothing wrong with me now.
I was so wrong. Now at night when sat on my own, being inside my mind is so terrifying. Makes me have dark thoughts.
To start with there are two folk I want to watch die. I want to see them laying there being eaten by our lovely wildlife. Then it would be time for me to leave as the world should not have to have such an evil man in it.
Its shocking to me that 2 men can have such a devastating effect on my life. One from decades ago and one from present day. They deserve to live even less than I do. They will meet the soul gatherer that is my inner being. Very soon.
It all started few weeks back when this copper couldn’t leave things be. Reminding me of who I used to be/am. Pushing and pushing. You can’t be a peace loving Buddhist. Your a thug always were always will be. Then he pushes to hard I snap and my fu****g mind is back in that dark space. Feeling worthless, useless and totally unworthy. Why can a holes do this to me?
Take care all.
What do you do when the terrors of the night start visiting during the day?
They were ok when they came during the night. I had the day to rest and have a mind clear for a few hours. Now they come into my head during the day. When I’m awake. Making it impossible to have a rest from them.
The DARK DARK THOUGHTS
The LACK OF ANY THOUGHTS NOT LINKED TO MY DARK SIDE
I’m not even getting dressed because if I do I can go out and then darkness will reign!
They jump into your mind
Making you tremble, shake n cry
Normal reason goes blind
Not due to tears
Due to your messed up Mind
Your inability to be normal
Thoughts of death, not normal
Thoughts of running, to the wilds
I am never normal
Never going to be
Never good enough