Just a little rant. Please do not respond. I am using this to get rid of thoughts of anger.
Just once I’d like someone to give me a hug and say Roy how are you?
Rather than Roy would you do this or that? No one is really interested in me rather they are only interested in what they can get or what can be done for them.
Perhaps its repayment for previous wrongs carried out by me. Reaping the effects of previous negative causes I created.
There is no one alive that just cares for me. Only those that are dead. Even my bloody dad tells me I’m a bastard. So its hardly surprising that no one else should think any different.
Having become a wee bit of a hermit rarely going out or mixing. This year shall be one where I just lock myself away from all.
How can the rugby world cup be called England2015?
Cardiff is hosting some of the games. Have I missed a border change?
Has Cardiff become part of England?
No its typical arrogance of the English.
Today I visited my sister in Perthshire and these pics are from her back garden.
I wish I was quicker with my phone. There was a flock of house Martins flying about, we saw several red deer a couple of bats (not sure what type) and we heard a pinemartin. It was so nice.
Peaceful so quite and very sunny. A thoroughly lovely day.
Family is akin to life. Four year ago today I met my sister and brother for the first time in 43years. It was an emotional experience and one that changed my life.
All of a sudden I had nieces and nephews a plenty that were blood rather than through foster siblings. I had a family that was ‘normal’. I had no need to worry about the lives of my siblings instead I can just ask them.
I’m not putting it very well but still I cry when I think about it. I’d spent so long searching being told I wasn’t good enough for anyone. Now I am my brother and sister are in my life and will be forever.
I realised something today.
For many years I treated folk so badly. Causing them so much pain. I’d walk away and not a thought for the pain caused. Then I was shown to me how much pain I caused others. This was so eye opening that it changed the way I thought and stopped me causing similar pain.
Now however I’m the one feeling that pain of being walked away from. Damn it hurts. However I am not complaining about it. The other person is doing the right thing for them. That makes me happy because they are still special to me.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is
If you find yourself in a similar situation. Rather than feeling sorry for yourself. Feel happy for the person brave enough to do what they need and what is best for them.
We hear of it lots
Never thinking it’ll get us
Recent events however
Prove to me that it does
Some say we
Reap what we sow
Cause and effect
You receive what you give
It all means
We get treated
The way we treat others
For most that’s no problem
For folk like me who’ve
Treated folk badly
Well take my word for it
It comes back and
Bites your bum
Remember when it does
Your only getting
What you deserve
I belong to a writers group and its been really helpful. This term I’ve not been going. My mental health has taken a real dip. My depression has returned with a vengeance and its dragging me down so low.
I kinda know that going would help but I can’t bring myself to go.
The thing being I don’t know why.
Its bit like mental self harm.