Writing

Writing is something I love. Having written for years the last few months have been hard. I’ve not written, other than on here, for months now.
Anyone that knows me, knows I over think everything. Today a lot of that thinking has been about my lack of writing.
Coming to the conclusion that what’s stopping me is me. Or should I say my inner editor. You know that voice we all have telling us ‘we’re no good’ or ‘what rubbish you write. No one would like to read that nonsense’. The problem being I’ve been listening to that voice and nothing else.
I hope now that I’ve realised whats going on I can work through it and get writing again.

Your mind

Takes you to places you’d rather be.
Escaping all the family stress
Places that make you smile
With people that matter
Some from your past
Some from your present
Some you don’t know
Always you come back
Into reality
What a face slap
Where your miserable
Pain filled and so low

Can’t wait till
MY MIND
Takes me to that
Place of special folk
Real soon I hope

Muthill pics

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Today I visited my sister in Perthshire and these pics are from her back garden.
I wish I was quicker with my phone. There was a flock of house Martins flying about, we saw several red deer a couple of bats (not sure what type) and we heard a pinemartin. It was so nice.
Peaceful so quite and very sunny. A thoroughly lovely day.

Family

Family is akin to life. Four year ago today I met my sister and brother for the first time in 43years. It was an emotional experience and one that changed my life.
All of a sudden I had nieces and nephews a plenty that were blood rather than through foster siblings. I had a family that was ‘normal’. I had no need to worry about the lives of my siblings instead I can just ask them.
I’m not putting it very well but still I cry when I think about it. I’d spent so long searching being told I wasn’t good enough for anyone. Now I am my brother and sister are in my life and will be forever.

Katie dog

I have blogged pictures of my Katie dog here before. These days she is a shadow of her former self. Her kidney and her liver are packing in. She is on medication to help her but she is still urinating and pooing all over the house. I’ve been washing bedding and rugs etc daily for a few month now. The vet has even told me not to walk her just let her wander in the garden when she wants to. We used to enjoy walking in the forest especially at dusk but that’s had to stop. She is not in pain but damn I can see its breaking her heart. We have both become recluse like.

Its heart breaking. I know she is 15 year old now but I’d hoped to have her for a few year yet.
Just need to hold on and pray that Katie’s health improves. Please. 

Thought

I realised something today.

For many years I treated folk so badly. Causing them so much pain. I’d walk away and not a thought for the pain caused. Then I was shown to me how much pain I caused others. This was so eye opening that it changed the way I thought and stopped me causing similar pain.

Now however I’m the one feeling that pain of being walked away from. Damn it hurts. However I am not complaining about it. The other person is doing the right thing for them. That makes me happy because they are still special to me.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is
If you find yourself in a similar situation. Rather than feeling sorry for yourself. Feel happy for the person brave enough to do what they need and what is best for them.

Karma

We hear of it lots
Never thinking it’ll get us
Recent events however
Prove to me that it does
Some say we
Reap what we sow
Others say
Cause and effect
Even
You receive what you give

It all means
We get treated
The way we treat others

For most that’s no problem
For folk like me who’ve
Treated folk badly
Well take my word for it
It comes back and
Bites your bum

Remember when it does
Your only getting
What you deserve

Writing

I belong to a writers group and its been really helpful. This term I’ve not been going. My mental health has taken a real dip. My depression has returned with a vengeance and its dragging me down so low.
I kinda know that going would help but I can’t bring myself to go.
The thing being I don’t know why.
Its bit like mental self harm.